New Math

"I just wanted to know if the limited addition tote is available to order? or is it only a promo thats free when you purchase an accessory or shoes? I just want to order the tote." -actual customer e-mail

Some customers are bad at math. Other customers need to go start over from first grade. Still others are so hopelessly backwards in their understanding of mathematics that they have devised a completely different system of calculation. A system where a single payment can somehow magically be used twice, or sometimes seventeen times in a row, ignoring the fact that you can only use one payment one time on anything. There was a children's story about a man who tried to extend the length of his blanket by cutting off the end and sewing it on the top. That pretty well sums up what some customers try to do with their payments, especially in the realm of loans and gym memberships. Sorry, sir, but that $25 payment you made in March cannot cover the standard $45 payments you owe for April, May, June and July. You also have to make those payments. FYI: $225 minus $25 is $200, not $0. This can happen in retail as well. If only part of a customer's online order is paid for and shipped, they will call and tell you that the 21 dollars that they paid for the stroller also counts as payment for the forty dollars worth of clothing on the order. The strange thing is, it's not as easy as you would think to just explain that they have underpaid. The customer will often have five years worth of receipts piled up in their house as "proof" that indeed their payment for $25 counts for all their other payments. They will phrase their statements in such a way that makes it sound like there's a lost payment that we haven't recorded, but deeper probing will only uncover the fact they are counting the same one twice.

This happens in the arena of rewards points or frequent flier miles as well. It seems a point isn't a point unless it's twice what it's supposed to be.

Example:
 * I had one customer who put an entirely different meaning to the phrase "slow pay." She had a history of consistently making underpayments on her account, and receipts to back up the fact she'd made every purchase.  She kept insisting that she'd paid the sufficient amount (using the same payment twice), but it didn't change the fact she was seriously underpaying and couldn't use the gym...and her credit report has a slow pay on it.