Phone Tree Of Infinity



The Phone Tree Of Infinity is quite possibly the single greatest cause of poor handle times on phone calls at any given call center. Thanks to the bewildering array of departments and submenus, it's a wonder that anything at all can be accomplished by a phone transfer. Unless, of course, your goal was to make the caller hang up.

"Thank you for calling (Name Here). Please listen carefully to our phone directory, for our menu options have been changed.  For..."

MAIN MENU

Para espanol, diga numero seis.


 * 1. For Store, Retail, or to speak to a style consultant.
 * I. Style consultant. "Thank you for calling my answering machine.  I'll return your call next year."
 * II. Store Issues.  Rather than allowing you to contact a human being to discuss a policy that doesn't apply to a specific store, you get the entire list of all fifty states, and United States protectorates, truncated into a submenu whenever it gets past 8.
 * The entire list of cities in all fifty states, and United States protectorates, truncated into a submenu whenever it gets past 8.
 * A confusing myriad of departments, issues, categories and subcategories truncated into a submenu whenever it gets past 8.
 * An answering machine saying the department is closed/no longer available at that location.
 * Useless Information.
 * Store hours.
 * A number that's no longer in service.
 * III. Retail. "If you'd like to leave a message about becoming a retailer, please leave a message and we'll call you back next year."
 * IV. Useless Information.
 * V. Useless Information.
 * VI. More Useless Information.
 * VII. Even More Useless Information.
 * VIII. Etcetera.
 * VIV. Previous Menu.
 * 0 is an invalid option.
 * 2. For online orders and website issues.
 * An annoyingly complicated system that refuses to let you speak to a representative until you've typed in your order number correctly.
 * If the number is typed in correctly, you get useless order information, not a representative.
 * If incorrect, you get The_Moviephone_Effect, or it will ask you to keep trying forever.
 * 3. For gift registry issues.
 * "Please select which type of registry it is."
 * The_Unfriendly_Dept
 * 4. To transfer to a specific individual. (There are cobwebs growing on the phones in this department).
 * 5. Employee service line, one that is only available one time per week, at seemingly random hours.
 * 6. Useless Information.
 * 7. More Useless Information.
 * 8. Etcetera.
 * 9. To hang up.
 * 0 is not a valid option.